My views . . .

. . . on relationships.

My cousins (male- 21, female- 16) had a discussion tonight. We discussed the point of view from a male/female perspective.

I just want to say these are my views and no one elses (but I'm right).

As civilized as we think we are in this world, we are still a primitive race. Men still think with the little head and women . . . well women think with their hearts.

It's not until much later in a relationship that a man can . . . I said "can" . . . think with his heart. A man will not realize that using his heart to make a decision with his heart will be one of the most important decisions of his life.

I'm not talking about one decision. I'm talking about THE decision. Most men in my opinion (even married ones) have not made a heart-felt decision . . . ever!

I myself have made only one heart-felt decision in my life and it was THE most heart-wrenching decision in my life. The fact that I've not had another relationship in my life because of that has caused most of my family to question the fact of my sexual preferences.

I need to say it somewhere and I figure this is the best place to say it. Nobody knows who I am, and if you do . . . I don't give a fuck.

I've put up with my family thinking I was a homo (gay for you that don't know what a homo is in todays society). Even my mother thinks I may be gay.

It's been years since I've been in a relationship. I was in high school. I know that I should pursue a relationship, but I always have an excuse. Right now, my excuse it that I'm financially unfit to even consider a relationship.

I know that is not an excuse. But I use that to fortify myself from any pain that could be felt again from an emotional tear-up. I don't need that any more.

I am beginning to feel the emptiness of my emotional needs.

I've been fine all these years . . . why am I feeling these needs now?

I thought that I would be fine with having my family near me. That is not helping any more.

I see a lot of my friends with their partners and I can not hang around. I had no problem before. Is it a seasonal thing? I hope it is. I really don't need somebody in my life right now. Or maybe I do?

And the only reason I am posting this right now is that I wouldn't be doing this completely sober. I read somewhere that if I wanted to post something very personal, I should do it a little imbibed.

Yeah, I'm a little unsober. I just came home from polishing off a whole pitcher myself . . . with no food even!

GD

"I'm all fucked up"